The Kiss

Boy: I want to kiss you. Can I?

Girl: If I say no, would that stop you?

Boy: From wanting to? No...

Girl: Buuuuuuutttttt...

Boy: ...but I'll try to control myself.

Girl: Huh!

Boy: So... can I?

Girl: This is the first time we've hung out. How do you know that if you kiss me, I won't turn into some psycho who becomes attached and expects more?

Boy: I don't. What I do know  is that I'm some psycho who really, really wants to kiss you.

Girl: Okay, what if...

[KISS]

Girl: I have to go!

Boy: What? Why? Are you telling me that I'm the only one who felt that?

Girl: Felt what? Like you just dies, but only for a minute? Like your entire body just floated above the earth? Like the most incredible electric shock just ran through you? Cause guess what! I have been feeling that since the first time we touched. I HAVE TO GO!

The Kiss
By: LeeAnn Alexander

I will always love you Ernest "Paa-Kwasi" Owusu-Ansah.

I have been seeing a therapist for about 7 months now and I have to say that without therapy, I would be a mess! I used to be embarrassed that I needed a therapist, mostly because it's not easy for me to ask for help. I hate it! I ultimately decided to get over myself and see someone for Riley's sake. I know I'm a wonderful mother, but I want to be the best I can be. I don't think that would be possible if I didn't feel my best. I mean how can I raise her to be a certain kind of person, when I don't even know who I am. I have to say I have come a long way in the last 7 months. Growing up, I had massive insecurity issues and no matter what I did, I just could not overcome them. I had always depended on others for my happiness and that led me to the a deep depression. I wasn't raised like your typical teenager. My mother was over-protective and shielded us from everything she possible could. This bruised us miserably, but she was never around to see that. I did a great deal of sneaking around and glad I did because if I hadn't I would have no idea what the world was really like. I had to find out the hard way, but I am all for experiencing to learn.

Even so, I still wouldn't change a thing about my past. I love the person I am today and my beloved brother, Ernest has a lot to do with that. Ernest committed suicide on May 24 and since that day, I have not been the same. Our family was beyond shocked. No one saw it coming and it made me realize a lot of things.

Most importantly...

1. That life is way too short to live in the past - I am learning slowly, but letting go has always been a challenge of mine. The past has always haunted me and I don't want that anymore. I am doing what I need to do you close any open chapters in my past and conclude any unfinished business I have.

2. That you cannot stress the little things- There are way more important things in life. Worrying whether your boyfriend is cheating, whether people like you, whether someone is talking shit about you, what anyone thinks of you (which seemed to have consumed my life before) is not important. What matters is what I think of myself and the rest just doesn't matter.

3. Ernest was secretly my best friend - my brother never liked to show his vulnerable side. If he was worried about something, no one would ever know. I guess that should've alarmed us. He was always smiling, happy or not.

Dangerously happy is what I call it now. He wanted everyone to think he was "hard", hood, gangster. I loved him more than he ever knew. Growing up, I desperately sought his approval...with everything. He was the only person I could relate to in my family. He knew more about me, growing up, than anyone else in my family. We had our moments, but I know he loved me, all of us. The only boy of my mother's 6 children. He was our commander, even when he moved some 8 hours away, to Lynchburg, VA. He was still the chief of this family. He protected us in a way that never made sense to anyone but him. He would have it otherwise, but still, we were very aware of the magnitude of his love.


 I will always love you Ernest "Paa-Kwasi" Owusu-Ansah. 

June 20, 1982 - May 24, 2011
Gone but never forgotten
May your soul rest in perfect peace.

Baby's First Holloween Re-Post 11.1.11

Halloween 2010 was Riley's first Halloween, but last year she was much too young to be dressed up and taken out. This year, my baby doll was an adorable Tinkerbell! I found this costume on Amazon.com

My sister-in-law's mother had a Halloween party of the kids the Saturday before the holiday and I decided to take Riley. I ordered this costume Wednesday of that week and paid 2-day shipping, only to receive the bloody costume Friday afternoon with NO WINGS! What is a fairy costume without wings. I contacted the seller but did not hear back in time, so consequently, I planned on returning the costume and just getting something from Party City. Let me just tell you how insane it was inside the store. You had to stand in line to look at the available costumes and choose, then stand in another line to get your costume, then another massive line to checkout!.I was livid! So I just decided to purchase some small angel wings and make that work. It was a bit awkward because the original Tinkerbell wings for this costume is velcro, but the angel wings I got had elastic bands that go around the arms. My munchkin looked darling! 

I was a chick from the 80's :) I found everything in my closet except the shirt, so I thought, hey 80's it is!

Android Blogger App Fail

So I made a couple of posts last week via my android Blogger App and they have been "publishing" for over a week now. Sigh... I have no idea why it is doing that, but I can't even view the posts on my phone while they're publishing. I guess I'm gonna have to attempt to re-post. Hope I remember everything!

Riley's First Steps

The most incredible thing just happened and  I had to come share! My baby just took her very first steps! I thought she was never gonna walk. The best part is how exciting it is for her. Every time she gets up to walk, her face lights up- it's as if she can't believe she's doing it. She just got up and took about 4 steps! Yesterday was her 13 month birthday and ironically, my mom told me that I walked exactly the date of my 13 month birthday. Like mother, like daughter?? Never been more true. She's a late bloomer just like me. She didn't crawl until she was 9 months, me 8 months, she didn't her her first tooth until she was 11 months, me first birthday. I started reading booked at 4 years old and fingers crossed that she takes after me with the brains too :)

It's been a while huh?

It has been forever since my last post and that is horrible on my part. I have had a difficult year- I lost my brother back in May and spent some time with my family in Connecticut. As you can imagine, Riley has grown since then.. haha. I will make a picture post soon. I wish I had been blogging, but I sort of went into hibernation after my brother's death. I think I'm ready to rejoin the world. It may be a slow process but one in progress, nonetheless. Feels good to be back. Sigh!

Watch Riley Grow

Riley's First 12 Weeks

Riley 4-7 Months

Riley's First 12 Weeks

Riley's First 12 Weeks

Riley 4-7 Months

Ugh! I hate SHAVING!

UGH!! Shaving has got to be one of the most annoying things to do as a female- we have to shave our legs, armpits, bikini, and thighs [YES! I get hair on my thighs]. Shaving takes forever for me in shower. Sure, there are other way of getting rid of all this unwanted hair, but waxing hurts! And using those creams, too tedious.

i have, however, found a way that makes shaving, well, easier and faster. I came across this method after my senior year of high school. I was getting ready to go meet a boy :) - pressed for times in the shower, I just started stroking the brush up AND down and within a few seconds, I was done!

This is how I did it:
Begin by stroking the razor up you leg as you would, conventionally, then, without lifting the razor off your skin, stroke it right back down, releasing the hairs you just shaved off.
Do this on the your whole leg without lifting the razor until you're finished- you can go as fast as you like.

This method works so fast because the hair never get stuck between the razor therefore eliminating the time spent washing the hairs out! It's faster, easier, and the best part is I don't burn anymore. You can do  this with any razor, but I'd recommend using one that has those massaging cushions around the blades, like Gillete.

Try it!

Cleaning the Bathtub is NOT fun.

I know they have all these new products that supposedly do the work for you, but really?? Were they serious with those things??? I used the scrubbing bubbles automatic shower cleaner for two years, and I was still scrubbing my shower every week. I don't know why I kept buying it, but I guess I was on auto too.

Being a new mom, and a nursing mom at that, I hardly EVER have time to clean. I stumbled on an easier way to clean my bath tub when my baby girl was about 3 weeks old. I drew a bath that I never got to take, forgot all about it overnight and the next morning, when I let the water out, my bath tub was sparkling clean!I had just cleaned bath tub by doing virtually nothing.

My days of bending over the tub to scrub away dirt mildew were over. This works with any kind of soap! I usually use a cap full of our laundry detergent and soak the tub overnight. The next morning I quickly run through the tub and tiles with our extendable car washing brush, while draining the water. It literally takes me 3 minutes to clean our tub! If you need to, add a little bleach and you're good to go.

Try it!

day four of LOVEeasy

Menu du Jour:

1. Ginger shot [elixir]
2. Lemonade [alkaline water, lemon, lime, ginger, agave, Himalayan salt]
3. Master Tonic
4. Veggie Vibe
5. Coconut Water
* Alkaline water - with meals [my new best friend]

I LOVE GINGER! I put ginger in EVERYTHING I make, so today, I was very happy. The elixir was delicious, and their lemonade is my absolute favorite drink [it has ginger, YAY!]. I think my stomach is getting smaller by the day because, as you guys may have noticed, I'm drinking less and less each day. This is great because when I resume with solids, it will help me with portion control.

I have yet to experience a major energy boost, but then again I wasn't really low on energy prior to this cleanse. I have been drinking these juices for a several months now, so it could just be that my body is energized to the max. Who knows?! All I'm sure of, is that I feel great!

day three of LOVEeasy

Menu du Jour:

1. Chlorophyll shot
2. Orange Juice
3. Young Love [cucumber, celery, spinach- yummy!]
4. Master Tonic [alkaline water, lemon, yacon syrup, Cayenne]
5. Veggie Vibe
6.Coconut Water
* Alkaline water - with meals [my new best friend]

Today was fairly smooth. I'm getting used to not having regular meals. After the chlorophyll elixir and OJ, I didn't go to the bathroom like the first two days. I obviously have nothing in my stomach so that's great. The Organic Avenue website states doing three days for their cleanses is viable. They suggest five, but three days is okay. I figure it's because that's all it takes. I mean I didn't eliminate today. I had a lot of gas, as I should with all these natural laxatives, but had nothing to else to get out. I will continue to do the five days, but the next cleanse I do, will be just three days.

day two of LOVEeasy

Menu du Jour:

1. Chlorophyll shot
2. Pear Juice
3. Veggie Vibrance
4. Cucumber Basil Soup
5. Creamy Dandelion
6.Green Mylk
* Alkaline water - with meals [my new best friend]

This morning I woke up pretty hungry around 11am. I downed a 32-oz bottle of Alkaline water first. Then I had my chlorophyll shot and 16-oz pear juice. That held me over until 5pm [the water helped a lot!]. I had The veggie vibe for lunch with about half a bottle of Alkaline water.

For dinner [around 8:30pm], I tried the cucumber basil soup for the first time. I don't want to say that I didn't like it because there was something there that I really liked. It has, coconut water, coconut meat, cucumber, avocado, basil, garlic, and Himalayan salt. The cucumber and basil immediately jump out screaming at you, duh!. I generally like those two ingredients, so I kept drinking. The coconut water was the next flavor I noticed. Organic Avenue uses Thai coconuts; the taste is significantly different from our coconuts in Ghana [which I love]. The Thai coconut water is too sweet for my liking. Although, it has plentiful benefits such as, 'carrying nutrients and oxygen to cells, raising your metabolism, promoting weight loss, boosting your immune system, detoxifying and fight viruses, cleansing your digestive tract, controlling diabetes, aiding your body in fighting viruses that cause the flu, herpes, and AIDS, and even balances your PH and reduces risk of cancer' [LINK Organic Avenue]. I attempted to finish the soup, but just couldn't do it. I got through to about half the bottle which is 8 oz.
The creamy dandelion wasn't as creamy as supposed. It contains, kale, dandelion, pine nuts, garlic, daikon, miso (soy bean paste, sweet rice), sesame oil, jalapeno, cilantro, dill, hemp seed, raisins, parsley, lemon, ginger, Himalayan Salt, and pepper. It was very flavorful; I loved it! Just not that creamy! Just like day one, I wasn't hungry enough to drink the green mylk, like the coconut mylk.

I like this cleanse very much. I have done some pill cleanses in the past and although they did clean out my system, they were not effective because while I was cleansing, I HAD to eat! Can't survive on just pills everyday. I was polluting my system with the crap I was cleansing to eliminate. I've also attempted the 10-day master cleanse TWICE and was impossible to get past day one! I had hunger pains, my mood swings were out of control, and I just couldn't handle it. This cleanse, however, has substance; it has variety, and most importantly, tastes great! I'm satisfied and make no sacrifices.

Sure, I get hungry. I'm getting cravings for things I don't even eat regularly [thanks to all the food commercials on T.V.]. All I do, is look at Jewel, and I'm reminded of why I started this cleanse. She was my ultimate inspiration. She reaps the benefits through my breast milk, therefore, a healthy life for me, means an even healthier life for her.

day one of LOVEeasy

Since loosing weight is not a primary goal on mine, I will not to weighing myself through this cleanse.
Here is the menu du jour:

1. Chlorophyll shot
2. Pear Juice
3. Veggie Vibrance
4. Sunflower Falafel w/ Tahini dressing
5. Sunflower Sprout Salad
6.Chocolate Mousse
7.Coconut Mylk
* Alkaline water - with meals

I started my morning with a 1-oz chlorophyll shot and a 16-oz pear juice at 10am. The chlorophyll shot was intense but quick and painless, and the taste quickly dissipated after I washed it down with alkaline water. Pear is my favorite fruit so the pear juice was amazing, pure and refreshing! I was satisfied with that for about 3 and a half hours.

For lunch, around 1:45pm, I had a 16-oz veggie vibrance juice with the falafel salad. The veggie vibe contains, carrot, cucumber, beet, celery, chard, spinach, ginger, parsley, and lemon. The beet and chard were the dominating flavors, in my opinion; takes some getting used to but was not bad tasting at all. The falafel salad was not what I was expecting at all. I had never had a falafel until today. It was really flavorful, even better with the Tahini dressing. Its contents include, sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, almonds, olive oil, garlic, shallot, scallion, paprika, lemon, parsley, coriander, Himalayan salt, cayenne pepper, cumin, and black pepper.

Lunch kept me full for quite some time. I did not eat dinner until 7pm. I had the sunflower sprout salad. In it, we have, sunflower sprout of course, pine nuts, sesame seed, bell pepper, garlic, scallion, flax seed oil, lemon, Himalayan salt, pepper, and lecithin. It has a lot of flavor, which, again, was not expected. It was very well balanced and filled me up!

I did not eat the dessert, which was chocolate mousse [yum :)], until an hour after I have dinner. The ingredients include, alkaline water, almonds, coconut butter, cacao, dates, vanilla, Irish moss, soy lecithin, cacao nibs, and Himalayan salt. Now I'm not the biggest fan of chocolate, but this was amazing. The taste was real, pure, so innocent like the original cocoa seeds I grew up eating in Ghana. I loved it!

I feel great and eliminated 2 twice :p

my new year's resolution for 2011

I came up with my resolution just a couple of days ago. I know it's after the new year, but I figure as long as it's within the first month, you're good :). I've decided to cut out as much processed foods as I possibly can from my diet. A lot people wonder why they get so sick so often, not realizing that it's because we fill our bodies with artificial crap that were never meant to be there.

Most factory-produced foods have synthetic additives that do more harm than gunshots! It's not like we don't know there chemicals such as sodium nitrate, saccharin, olestra, etc. in the things we eat. We know all this because it says it right on the box. All these chemicals and food dyes are especially dangerous because everyone is led to believe that they're safe. They weaken our immune systems overtime and slowly deteriorate our organs. This makes us more susceptible to all sorts of diseases, hence the necessity for yearly flu shots and periodical vaccinations [which reminds me, I just found out that they have now combined the H1N1 with the regular flu shot into one injection, so now you must get the H1N1- which is a whole other topic, but just thought you guys would like to know]. Boy, I can go on for pages about nutrition, but let's get back to the topic at hand.

So, to kick off my organic diet, I will first be cleansing my system. For the next five days,

I will be on an a raw food and all-plant-based juice cleanse from Organic Avenue . This cleanse is called the LOVEeasy.

Organic Avenue is an NYC-based organic food and juice company that started in 2000. They produce a Live, Organic, Vegan, Experience- their famous L.O.V.E* signature. They currently have 3 stores in NYC and deliver to the tristate area. See their website for delivery zones and charges.

Their juices are cold-pressed and somewhat of an acquired taste. I know I had to get used to it. Their cleanses and products are also quite pricey, but the benefits far surpass the price you pay in value. I have grown to LOVE their juices! Even the one ones that I could barely smell, when I was first introduced to. They also have transition  plans for those who may not have the stomach to dive into their intense cleanses.

I will let you guys know how it goes!

New Year, new you? Really?!

Each new year, brings new goals and aspirations to many of you. Hence new year resolutions. My theory for the reason people wait for the start of a new year to make their lives better, is because it's much easier and a heck of a lot more accurate to measure your progress. This may well be far off, but it makes sense.

Ever since I was old enough to understand new year's resolutions, I have made and stuck to each and everyone of my resolutions! It started with 2004. At the turn of the new year, I vowed to pursue someone I had been crushing on for over a year. We'll call him Ronald. Bear in mind, I was in high school :p. My resolution that year was to get over my extremely shy self and work up the nerve to talk to him, before the year's end. Well, ladies and gentleman, I did just that! By June of that year, I had not only talked to him, but we began having regular phone conversations. This raised my very bruised self-confidence way up!

The start of 2005 speared the declaration of my independence. I went off to college and achieved financial sovereignty from my parents by the end of that year. It was the scariest and boldest move I'd ever made but the best one, nonetheless. 2006 was the year I cut out fast food; 2007 was our official engagement year. For 2008, I was determined to live in another NYC borough. I grew up in the Bronx and wanted a bit more culture, and I did. We moved to Astoria, Queens for about 7 months! In 2009, I vowed to finish school, also accomplished! My resolution for 2010 was to be the best mother I could be to my daughter, who was born later in the year.

So yeah, I agree, new year, new me! I've done more growing up in the last seven years than I think I'll ever do. This is my measure of success. What's yours?

Happy New Year everyone!

Getting Through the Holidays on LIMITED Income.

Before my baby girl was born, the thought of the holidays depressed me. Originally, I was to stay home until the baby was 12 weeks, meaning my leave would be through to Christmas. Living on one income gets us by, but leaves very little and sometimes nothing at our disposal, after bills, gas, and groceries. Consequently, that meant we would not have money for a tree, gifts, etc. After she arrived, my thinking completely changed. This was going to be her first Christmas, how can we not give her a real Christmas? Determined to do so, I searched the net for anything I could do for even the littlest amount money.

I looked into surveys and affiliate marketing. At that point I wasn't looking for a job to do at home, just something small to bring in some extra dollars. Affiliate marketing, I decided would take too much effort, so, I did surveys. Two particular sites that help me were survetmastermind.com and surveysponsors.com. You don't earn cash, but you get points for each survey you complete, and those points can be redeemed for things like gift cards. In just 3 weeks, I earned $125 worth of gift cards for target! I found a nice-sized tree on sale for $20, a 50 count, box of tree ornaments for $15, a 15 foot gold garland for $4, the lights, $6! This will be our first Christmas as a family, and I am glad I'm able to make it a real Christmas.

The star on top was $7:99, also from Target.

As for the gifts, I wrapped up some stuff that the baby will not be using until she is three months old. Things like clothes, teethers, and toys never worn or used that we received from the baby shower. I had a little bit of GC credit to get her some extra clothes and toys! For my husband, I got another gift card for Saks, with my Chase debit card reward points, and bought him a nice Jack Spade wallet. Without putting a strain on our very skimpy income, Christmas will be good this year. 

Momma, You are the BREASTest!

The decision to breastfeed my Riley was made long before Ro and I decided we were ready to have a baby. I chose breast not because of the widely known fact that it makes the child smarter [which is true in a way], nor is it because of its weight loss characteristic. I chose breast because I don’t believe in polluting my baby’s body with artificial, made-in-a-lab supplement [formula]. Formula is great, sure, but for as long as it has been around, the creators have done nothing more than attempt to duplicate breast milk, meaning breast is best. Formula is simply, the easy way out in my opinion. There are some mothers out there who have no choice but to rely on the supplement and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. When it comes down to it, it is your choice what you want to feed your baby. Everyone is different, and what works for some may not work for others. I don’t think either person’s ways are better than the other, just different.

I don’t have much support from my family when it comes to breastfeeding; my mother did not breastfeed any of her children, and is a huge advocate for formula [60's baby- go figure!] I have heard all the excuses from her, …you don’t have enough milk, you’ll never have enough milk… you’re never going to sleep… you HAVE to give her formula… breast milk is just water… she went on and on and on. That, was my biggest challenge, getting support. When you don’t get it from the people you trust most, where do you turn? I struggled with this the first few weeks after Jewel’s birth. My mother's blurts were getting to me. What if I wasn’t making enough milk? What if I couldn’t pump enough when it was time to get back to work? How do I know if she’s getting enough hind milk [fatty stuff] and not just foremilk [low-calorie thirst quencher]? All these worries were stressing me out, and too much stress effects your milk production- which stressed me out even more! I knew my research, but began to doubt myself.
The day I gave birth, my mother gave Riley some formula, this was upsetting to me, but I let it happen.

I vowed never to give in again, so I turned to Kellymom.com. This site also inspired my blog. It was a life saver! I found many stories from moms who had the same EXACT experience. There, I found my support. I took a deep breath and smiled. I knew that I would be just fine. All I had to do was believe in my body; this was the way nature intended, therefore it will work out. I stopped checking time, and worrying about ounces. I went with my instinct. Whenever Rye wanted breast, she got it. Never minded for how long or how many times. I now have a very chunky 13lb 5oz 11wk 6d old!

She's actually 6 wks here, but chunky right??

She is exclusively breastfed with the fattest cheeks on the planet. As far as pumping goes, the first few times I pumped, barely got an ounce because it was too early. Establishing breastfeeding is VERY important!!! The most crucial part to success. Most people quit before 8 weeks because they either give up or don’t believe they will have enough. The caveat to this: it takes up to 8 weeks for breastfeeding to be established. After this period, the milk will flow, no matter what. So my fellow breastfeeding mommas, keep going, there is light at the end of that tunnel, and boy is it bright!

 Here we are- 10 wks old.

I dream that one day, she'll just come out and say, "Momma you are the BREASTest!"

Frustration

Riley had her second monthly check up this morning. Ro and I decided that we will not be vaccinating her, or any of our future children. I really do not want a pro/con war so I will nip it there for now and discuss our reasons at another time. When the doctor heard that she will not be immunized, he came in to talk to us, and outright said that we have to find another practitioner. Usually, I would respond intelligently,  but I sort of knew it was coming and decided to leave it at that. He sad excuse was that we would be putting other patients at risk. I then thought to myself, If these patients of yours, are supposedly vaccinated, then shouldn’t they be protected against such diseases? Either way, I’m over that! My frustration kicked in, when I called around the Westchester area and could not find a single doctor who would take a non-vaccinated baby. Riley is not sick so she really does not need to see a doctor, but it’d be nice to have one pediatrician as a go-to practitioner. I guess this is another wave we must surf through… sigh!
My sweet pea is growing so fast. As an exclusively breastfed baby, she is already 13 lbs 3 oz and only 11.5 wks!! She was 24.5 inches long today. Gosh I feel like she’s leaving for college already…I know it will be in little time wahhh!!! AAww how I miss when she was just a newborn [cries].  The time flew by so fast, yet it seems like ages ago… if that even makes any sense.

"honey, I can't buy my shoes"

"honey, I can't buy my shoes"
"why not?"
"because we have to save the money for a crib"
"are you pregnant?"
"yesssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I will never forget the day I found out I was pregnant. It was a Saturday, and Ro dropped me off in the morning- during the car ride, all I could talk about was the cutest booties I had been eying for weeks. Ro told me to get them after work and I was just so excited! My biggest worry that day? I really hope Bakers has my size! My period was 6 days late, but I still didn't worry. While at work, one of my co-workers called in to chat and mentioned to me that she was also late and was thinking about taking a pregnancy test. She talked me into taking one with her, so I ran out to get one. I wasn't worried at first, but got extremely anxious during my waiting period (which was very short). The results flashed almost instantaneously. Pregnant, it read. I took a deep breath, just could not hold it in until the end of the work day, and called Rohan. Telling him was scary, but he was vary calm and that sparked my excitement. I was so happy! I just kept hearing in my head, over and over again, a little person, calling me "mama". My heart cried a little. It was the most incredible feeling yet. I couldn't wait to be our little munchkin's mama!